Sunday Recap 5-3-2015

So, I am going to TRY to do a recap each Sunday to let everyone know what I have been up to. Since this blog is focused mainly on mental health and my path through therapy, I will do my best to stick to those themes.

I've been working on an idea I was given by my therapist, a Coping Book. Whatever my mood or 'personality', there will be pages to go to to find things to help me cope. I'm in a better mood today, so have been steadily working on the mania side of my bipolar. That hyperactive me that still has no name; I see her so rarely!

Bear with me, I have a ton of pictures to show, so I'm trying to fit them all into the blog. Its harder than it looks!

I'll describe the pictures from left to right, top to bottom, and pray that I have enough room in the blog to describe them all. Keep in mind that this has all been done earlier today as well. You'll see how busy I have been today!

The first pic is the binder itself, or rather the insert that sits in front of the binder. There are a ton of sayings written there that I found via Google. Not everything has the author's name attached, which is fine for me. I'm doing this for me, not for money.


The second picture will be the divider for my as-yet-unnamed mania personality. I still have a bunch of work to do on it, but I like how its pulling together so far.

Next up is my generic to-do list These are things that I do anyways, but having them on a list will "make me feel better the next time (I) hit a low," according to my therapist. Ok, no problem, I'm willing to give almost anything a try, and it allows my inner list-make freedom as well. Yays for me!

The next 4 are lists for my blogs. Don't expect to see any of these any time soon, I'm aiming to have all this show up a few months from now, that way I can (hopefully) get a good amount built up for the next time I hit a low. I want that buffer of a few months, that way it moves along as seamless as possible, in spite of my bipolar.

Then I have a list of songs to listen to when I get hyper that will help me to focus that positive energy into something productive. As you can see, I could only think of two songs so far. I guess I really do suck at naming music! LOL

The last two are lists of things I need to do for my daughter. I don't speak of her much here simply because I wish to keep her separate from my mental health issues. She has enough going on without my problems! LOL

I'm hoping that, once I have this set up for each of my moods, that I can better deal with all my varied mood swings. It sounds easy, but its not. I really do hate being bipolar, I hate allowing myself time to be depressed. What this book will eventually do is find a way for me to be productive even when I'm down low. Just at an easier pace than when I'm in a mania state.

What do you think? Would something like this help you? Well, continue following along and I'll share all my experiences with all of you!

The rest of my week was rather boring. I was caught in a low, dragging ass and wishing everyone would just leave me alone and simultaneously wishing someone would tell me that they knew how bad I felt and cuddle with me. I'll be honest here: I contemplated suicide at least twice during the past week. Yeah, I was badly down, and felt so horrid.


Looking back, I realize how stupid I was for letting those thoughts get to me like that, but that is who I am. Call me self-centered or a drama queen or whatever, I can't change it. I will always and forever have downs. I just need a support system that notices these moments who can guide me along through it. Not stop it, I can't stop being depressed; but guide me through that dark and tangled path of depression to the rubber band that sends me back out of the hole. Eventually I'll get it set, I hope.

That's enough for today! Leave me a comment below and I'll start answering any questions on Saturdays!

Love and Light,
Kat

WSM 2

The second lesson in this WSM workbook explains about action steps just enough to confuse the piss out of you. It tells you that action steps are there to help you on your road to recovery1, but tell you very little of what these actions steps would be. So, knowing only that action steps are there to help you, you are then asked to choose which kind of action steps you will be taking.

If you are confuzzled, then we share in this feeling.

So, you are given a type of action step and then a list of possible actions to take for that action step and are asked to decide which steps you are willing to do.

1. When your action step is to better remember or find out more about the topic in the WSM program
1. read written materials related to the topic
2. re-read the workbook material on your own
3. find out more about the topic on the internet
4. talk to a professional person (case manager, counselor, psychiatrist, nurse, pharmacist, etc) to learn more about the topic
5. talk to a family member or friend to get his or her opinion about the topic
6. talk to a peer (someone who is also working on their mental health problem) about his or her experiences and opinions
7. talk to a pastor, priest, rabbi or other spiritual counselor in your community to learn more about the topic

I chose options 1, 3, and 6


2. When your action step is to practice something you learned in the WSM program
1. ask someone you trust to support you in practicing a new skill
2. pick a time and place where you can practice your new skill without distractions
3. write down the steps of the skill and carry the steps with you to read before you try it out

I chose 1 and 3


3. When your action step is to express your thoughts and feelings about the topic in the WSM program
1. express your thoughts about the topic through creative activities such as writing a poem or an essay, drawing a picture, playing a song that relates to the topic, etc

I chose to try this one


4. When your action step involves getting support from others
1. talk to one or more people you trust about your involvement in the WSM program. Invite them to learn about the program and let them know how they can be helpful

I chose this one


5. When your action step involves connecting with resources in your community
1. make a phone call to set up a meeting
2. ask someone to join you in visiting community resources, such as self-help and advocacy groups, cultural programs, educational programs, religious or spiritual groups, social clubs or other groups in your community


6. When your action step is to practice leadership
1. during the wsm group, you may be offered an opportunity to lead or co-lead a lesson of interest. You would meet with the WSM group leader and work out a plan to lead one or more of the lessons in the WSM program

No, I didn't choose one from each category, especially since I am doing this solo, without a group of any sort. (I don't play well with others.)

Discussion point: If you are following along with me, what steps are you most interested in trying? Why?

Journaling Assignment #7

The thing I wish other people would get about me is...

Actually, there a few things, and this list may easily change later on down the road. But today, I have a few. I'm not lazy, for one. What people perceive as laziness is actually depression, anxiety, and pain.

I don't want to be like this, but I am and likely will always be this way. Medication may or may not help, but it sure as hells won't cure me.

Just because I smile or laugh does not mean I am happy. I laugh when I am scared, hurt, sad, or angry too. The emotions get so strong that the only way I can cope is to laugh.

The letters "LOL" don't mean I am laughing, either. I sometimes use LOL to denote a joke or just to say something when I have nothing to say.

I have never learned how to properly converse with others, so my attempts at humor often fall short.

I hate hate. It is too absolute and completely illogical. Hate's only purpose is to be negative and push progress backward. Humans are meant to go forward, not backward.

I am lonely. I don't just crave closeness, I need it in order to survive. I am dying inside every day I don't have that closeness I crave.

Journaling Assignment #6

My family would describe me as...

• lazy
• bitch
• naive
• stubborn